I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
