not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
