Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
