Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
