he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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