I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
