there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
