Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize