what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
