Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
