I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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