I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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