probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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