When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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