remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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