And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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