My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
