Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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