Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize