i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
