I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
