everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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