bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
