Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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