I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
