So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
