paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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