Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
