I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
