Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
