Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
