so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
