I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
