Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize