before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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