"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
