just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She said her name was "party"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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