STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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