Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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