Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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