please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
