I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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