The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
