mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
barbara walters just said penis...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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