You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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