I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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