He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
