Jerry, you need to find god
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
