thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
