That's when you crack a 10am beer
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
