So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
