New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
