quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The best revenge is premature balding
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
