woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
