i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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