i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
