I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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