I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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