think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize