I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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