I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
