There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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