tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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