I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
